Back at the Beginning: Part II

So after a blazing California summer of books, T.V. shows, and rushing to finish summer homework (I think I managed to schedule my last two weeks in a way that had me do everything in five days before classes started, and I still managed to totally forget about AP Lit) school started back up in August.

Here is where I make a confession that for those of you who know me, is staggeringly non-news:  I'm an ass.  To be honest, it is my humble opinion that all men are, but some of them are just really good of hiding it.  Towards the end of the previous year, actually not too long after I began writing this blog, I got it in my head—from what in retrospect seems to me to have been a combination of miscommunication, misinterpretation, and stupidity on my part—that several of my friends, mostly female, had a very low opinion of me.  Now, I know I'm not necessarily the most likable person—I can be mean, argumentative, crude and a host of other atrocities—but one thing I certainly do not want to be is that one annoying guy everyone knows, but doesn't want to be mean to, so they just suffer him in silence.  Honestly, I would rather someone tell me I'm an ass and that they'd rather I never speak to them or bother them again (get in line) than have them try to avoid me, and, when forced to interact with me, silently spend the time hoping desperately that I'll leave.  I really would.  I hate ambiguity like that.  I want in or out: either I'm your friend (or at least, we're friendly), or I'm (we're) not. 

But anyway, I felt as though I was that guy.  I may elaborate on this further down the road, but essentially, I got the feeling that several of my friends were only really my friends in the sense that while they didn't really want to have much to do with me and had no interest in ever initializing interaction, they politely put up with me.  At least a month before school had let out, I began to make a conscious effort to avoid initializing interaction with one of my friends to see what her response would be, or if she'd even notice; (in my mind at least) she didn't.  After school let out, I did the same for several other friends.  I don't think one of them contacted me during the summer.  Also, while I was in Southern California, a number of things came up concerning another friend, on who I had been in pretty much constant contact with all summer long, previously mentioned as a coauthor of A Correspondence.  I'll once again consider covering this in greater detail at another time, but suffice to say I was mad at her:  I felt betrayed, angry, marginalized, and a host of other, similar things.  At that point, I cut off contact with her as well.

So when school started in the fall (it's really more like late summer nowadays), I pretty much openly and pointedly ignored a group of people I had formerly (and I should say, now wholeheartedly do so now) considered my friends.  Now in order to make good on my promise to have a new post up today, I will end here, and continue from this point in the next part of this ever-growing... confession.

Back at the Beginning: Part I

It's been one week since High School Graduation.  I've been telling myself that I'm going to start blogging again for days weeks months now, and I've finally gotten around to it.  I'm not going back to reread any of my previous posts before writing this.  Someone else wrote those, someone younger, less mature (I think), and a little less thoughtful.  It's now more than eleven years to an eternity.  And let me tell you, one year makes all the difference.

I've been hearing about it for years, but last summer I finally got around to watching Firefly, and it floored me.  I ended up watching half the show (a whopping seven whole episodes) in one night.  Firefly and Serenity are now my favorite television show and movie, respectively.  I'm not sure what it is about that universe, but I find it amazing.  In retrospect, it's clear that Joss Whedon maintains a certain style of writing characters, dialogue, and stories that I find very appealing, throughout all of his works.  But enough of that.  I'll (probably) dissect Joss Whedon and Firefly in their own post some other time.  After Firefly I re-watched Dollhouse (another cancelled Whedon masterpiece), Blackadder, and finished the first two seasons of Castle (with Firefly alum Nathan Fillion).

Interspersed between my teevee watching, I did some other things.  Like go to Alaska for ten days.  And stay at Thomas Aquinas College in Ohai, CA for two weeks.  Things like that.  I was in Alaska to visit St. John's Orthodox Cathedral and the surrounding community in Eagle River Alaska.  While there, I got to go on a cruise of Port Valdez and Prince William Sound.  I also went salmon fishing and lost (can you believe it!) several games of Settlers of Catan and croquet.  I'll try to find some pictures.  At Thomas Aquinas College, I attended what is basically a two week crash course of TAC's regular four-year Liberal Arts degree program.  We read several "Great Book," including Plato's Crito, Sophocles Oedipus Rex and Antigone, Shakespeare's Macbeth, selections from Genesis, along with works by Thomas Aquinas, Pascal, Kierkegaard, and Euclid, and thoroughly discussed them in Socratic seminars of about twenty students each.  I really enjoyed it; for those of you who know me, I like to argue, and it helped that our group included an ardent Catholic and militant atheist.  Between the three of us, there was some quite vigorous discussion, occasionally interspersed with comments from the fifteen or so other people and the two tutors (professors at the college).  While not reading or discussing, the other students and I participated in hiking, swimming, sports, and pranking, as well as visiting some of the sites in L.A. and Santa Barbara.  Once again, I'll try to find pics.

After all that, they made me go back to school.  Apparently there is a twelfth grade, and it is mandatory that you attend.  However, I will leave that for part two of this post, which I PROMISE will be up tomorrow.  For the one person who's reading (by accident, I'm sure), have a good night and God Bless.

One Year On...

Today is the first anniversary of Junior Prom, and it's been almost a year since my first post.  I've grown a little older and hopefully a little wiser since then.  Quite a lot has happened that's kept me busy, and I hope to be able to relate it all here.  Sometime within the next week (likely by next Monday) I plan to start chronicling the next year and is myriad of notable events, as well as begin a regular schedule for posting going forward.  Looking back on some of the (admittedly few and irregular) previous posts, I seem to be a bit self-absorbed and perhaps a bit... simple? Naive?  I'm not sure.  Going forward, I hope to be frank, open, and honest, as well as a little more self-conscious.  This blog is to be an honest confession of my thoughts and feelings from here on out.  I don't expect anyone—especially anyone I know—to read it; nevertheless, everything I write here, I do so with complete sincerity and in good faith.

And with that, I will close of this post with a bit of self-congratulations:  earlier this week (the 24th) I was admitted to UC Davis and UC Berkeley.  There's been plenty of disappointment in the college application process, but this has made it all worth it.  And with that, Good Night.

More to come soon.

Summer Is Hot

And I mean that in both ways: the season and Summer Glau.  I just finished my complete viewing of  both seasons of Dollhouse, as well as spending a good deal of time over the last month watching Firefly and Serenity over and over.  Oh and Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.  I probably sound like a Joss Whedon fanboy now.  That is not entirely untrue, although I have no plans to watch either Buffy or Angel.  Anyways, I have a great deal I want to write down, but seeing as it's four in the morning, it looks like it's time for bed.  Despite my constant and never-abating laziness, I will write more later today (or early tomorrow morning, it's all the same to me).  A combination of vacation trips, computer and internet problems, as well as the aforementioned laziness has led to a rather long delay of my writing out my thoughts, so I should have plenty to post in the next day or so.

One Week

So I've got one more week to go before I'm away free.  I'm finally done with AP tests.  Now I've got until Tuesday to finish English essays.  So in a week from today, I'll be essentially done, with only one class left.  Expect a post next Wednesday.

The last two weeks have been one hell of a ride, and like I said, I've got another week to go.  History if feel that I did well in.  Physics B, not so much, but I'm hoping the curve is generous enough for me to pass.  Likewise in Psychology.  Language and Composition is a toss-up, but I'm sure I passed.  Now I need a miracle in English.]

Having been gone for over a month, I have a lot to share, but it will have to wait until next week.  A Correspondence hasn't progressed very far since my last post, but my co-author and I have spent a good deal of time together or on the phone, negating our need for written communication.  However, I enjoy putting my thoughts somewhere where I can look at them (as exemplified by this diary-of-sorts), and I enjoy sitting down to read her writings even more, so we shall continue when we have more time.  Summer, perhaps.

So I'll end this here for now.  Busy week ahead, but once I'm through, I have a few plans to keep me busy.  My next post will relate some of the insights I've garnered over the past month, and I believe this coming Wednesday is May 19th...

I'm not entirely sure who I'm writing this for...

I'm not entirely sure who I'm writing this for, except perhaps myself.  Perhaps this is a diary, or maybe my confession to the world.  Probably both.  We shall see.

It has been a week since Pascha, and life has been just as thrilling and terrifying as ever.  In terms of my aforementioned transformation, I haven't been doing quite as well as I might have hoped.  I've regressed a slight bit towards the juvenile in terms of my humor, something I'd hoped to keep under control.  I'm doing better, but I've got to keep an eye on it.  More to come.

Ten Years, One Day

I've always felt that any major transition in my life to happen, there has to be something significant about the date.  I can't think of any time more significant than now.  It's been ten years and one day since I was baptized on Great and Holy Saturday of the Year of our Lord 2000.  Last Saturday was Junior Prom.  I made a new friend this past week, and I've made two confessions, one to her, and one to God.  Today is Pascha.  If there's a time for me to change as a person, it's now.

This transformation is the result of many sources of inspiration.  The most important, is God.  It's no coincidence this transition has occurred over Holy Week.  I had my first real Confession on Great and Holy Wednesday.  I got a great deal off of my chest, and it feels so good.  I only hope I can fully repent of all my transgressions.  Attending most of the Holy Week services, particularly Thursday's through Sunday's, really strengthened my resolve to be more godly.  Now my task is to stay on this straight and narrow path.

My second source of inspiration is my new friend and the coauthor of A Correspondence, who shall remain nameless for now.  She came out of nowhere, and I'm so thankful that I've had the absolute pleasure of knowing her.  There is still a feeling of wonder; she is a very close and special friend, with whom I can be completely open.  We've already discussed topics ranging from the meaning and scale of love, to shells and personas put on for other people, to the color of our bedroom walls.  It's wonderful and terrifying to have such a friend, and I'm still somewhat amazed that not only do I have her as a friend, but that I'm special enough to be the first person she is so open with.  I feel blessed.

There are others, minor as they are—the social problems and mysteries I face, dreams, those differed and those not, and wishes, both unfulfilled and granted—but they are almost all as ambiguous as the ones I have listed.  I hope to elaborate all of this going forward.

I now bring this to a close, and hope to continue this discussion with you (whoever you are) in the coming months, and hopefully, years.  Thank you for listening, and God Bless.

Sincerely,
J.F. Grant

CHRIST IS RISEN!